...1 year

Dear Friends,

For those of you who were not present today for the sentencing hearing, I’d like to briefly summarize.  Thong’s killer received a 2 year sentence, 12 months of executed jail time (actual time in jail at the MC Detention Center) and 12 months of a suspended sentence (on probation but if he breaks probation, he must serve the time).  While there was no outcome hat would have satisfied the family and friends, there was a semblance of justice to see Thong’s killer in handcuffs and escorted out of the courtroom.  He will not be spending the holidays with hi family!

There is a wrinkle in the sentence, not specific to Thong’s case but prevalent in all cases, that there is a “reconsideration” to the sentence.  It basically means that he pleads with the judge for leniency and the executed time may be shortened for good behavior etc.  I am currently trying to find out how the process works and will provide everyone with an update.

I also want to take this opportunity to thank everyone who came today for their display of incredible courage.  Each of us today played an integral in securing jail time for Thong’s killer.  I also want to thank everyone who has had the family in their thoughts and prayers.  Your invisible strength enables us to endure what we’re going through.  During my car ride back to NYC, Ha and I dissected the day and she asked me how I felt…

I knew coming into today that I had no control over the proceedings and that the only thing I could control is the effort I put into the process.  With that said, I went “all in” over the past 3 months in preparing for today and I feel good about my effort, almost independent of the outcome; as long as the outcome was that the killer was not walking out of the courtroom next to his parents to go back home.  I share this with you because I know that each of you have gone through this with all of the letters and emails.  It takes immense focus and emotion to transcribe what your heart tells you.  I feel resolute!  I feel that this is the first form of closure and that Thong is extremely proud of all of us.  He is smiling down from heaven!

While this holiday season will not be the same without our goofy, generous Thong, we know that the killer is on the same side of the table as us.  He too will miss his loved ones; he too will feel the emptiness that we feel; he too will reflect on the importance of life, humanity and friends.  

With that said, I’d like to wish all of you a happy, healthy, and safe holiday season filled with goofy memories of Thong.  Much love to all of you for your unconditional support and I look forward to growing old with all of you.  

Admirably,

Tuan Nguyen or “Tron” as Thong would say.

VICTIM IMPACT STATEMENT FOR NEXT OF KIN

THE STATE OF MARYLAND VS. JONES, BRIAN HALL

CRIMINAL NUMBER: #108922

NAME OF DECEDENT(victim): Thong Huu Nguyen

PERSON WRITING THIS STATEMENT:    Hsuan Ou__________________

Before deciding on a sentence, the judge should be informed of the impact that this crime and the death of the victim has had on you and your family’s lives. This is an opportunity for you to explain to the judge in your own words how this has affected you.

Describe how this crime has affected you physically and emotionally. Include information such as bills from the hospital or funeral and if you lost wages because you couldn’t work. Also include any compensation that you have received from the Victims Assistance Program or from any other source.

If you can think of anything else that may help the judge or this office representing you and your family’s interests, please do so below.

Your Honor,

My name is Hsuan Ou and I am here with my wife Dr. Betty Wang and many of Thong Nguyen’s family, friends, colleagues, and the hearts of many others.  Betty and I knew Thong, the deceased victim, for almost half our lives.  I met Thong in our freshman year at the University of Maryland at College Park in 1992 and have been close friends ever since.  I wish I could say we were lifelong friends when we’ve lived another 50 years and we’re old men.  I wish I could say our children played with each other until they were grown and had children of their own and they played together.  I wish we could have been at each other’s hospital beds when we’re dying gently of old age.  No, instead I’m standing in the same room as Thong’s killer, pleading with the court for a punishment that fits his crime of driving drunk, running a red light, speeding across 5 traffic lanes, and then smashing into and subsequently killing Thong Nguyen. 

Sir, every day I ride the commuter bus that takes me to and from work on route 29.  Every day I pass the accident scene.  Every day I cringe and think how much I miss having my dear friend in my life.  There hasn’t been a day gone by when something out of the blue reminds me of one of his jokes or a corny behavior and it makes me laugh and cry all at the same time.  Honestly I haven’t learned to think about Thong without choking up.  Not a day has gone by without me thinking about him.  Losing Thong was losing a brother, losing a family member, losing someone closer than some family members.  We had a bond that was grown because we wanted the friendship to happen and not because we had to.  I miss his spirit, his optimism, his presence immensely. 

Ever since Thong’s death, I’ve wondered why this happened.  How could this have happened to someone who loved life so much?  I believe he’s one of the few people who lived every day to the fullest.  I can speak all day about Thong’s values, virtues and the many great deeds of his life; but all these people here should be testament to that.  Instead I need to plead to this court NOT to make Thong’s death another faceless county statistic.  I need to plead to this court that Thong’s killer didn’t just make a stupid mistake and all he needs to do is apologize for it.  That’s just not good enough.  I need to beg for the maximum sentence available to this court. 

Nothing we do today will bring Thong back.  I’m completely aware of that.  I am also aware that Brian Hall Jones may get to live a long life from this day forth without ever having to remember the pain he caused so many people and the lives he’s ruined.  He doesn’t have to because up to this point there hadn’t been an absolute reason to make this personal for him.  So far, it’s probably been a nuisance, an inconvenience, all because the DA’s office handed him an inconsequential plea bargain.  Why should he care if the laws don’t?  He didn’t lose a family member, he never saw Thong die in the hospital, and he was drunk when he charged a 5,000 lb weapon at my dear friend.  The name Brian Hall Jones will live in my mind forever as the bastard who killed Thong Nguyen.  That is the reality regardless of what happens today. 

I want you to know that you didn’t just kill ONE faceless nameless person that day, but that you killed my friend, his friend, her friend, his cousin, her cousin, his nephew, her nephew, his brother, her brother, his son, her son.  No you didn’t just kill a person, you killed our hopes and dreams. 

Thank you for letting me speak my mind, your honor. 

...Thong's biggest fan

...this post is for me so pull out your violins.  It's been twelve days since Thong passed away and six days from when we buried him.  I'm feeling more and more at peace about it.  There are good days - meaning 2 or 3 cries - and then there are terrible days when I feel my heart ache and grief overcomes me.  I break down and I don't know what I'm doing at that moment.  I've never known such sadness.  Betty calls me an emotional pregnant woman.  I don't know what I am.  Losing Thong was losing a brother, losing a family member, losing someone closer than some family members.  We had a bond that was grown because we wanted the friendship to happen and not because we had to.  I miss his spirit, his optimism, his presence. 

I will say this... people have come out of nowhere and everywhere in support of Thong's family, his close friends, and me.  People who've lost touch with Thong, who hasn't seen him for 10+ yrs, or who has only met him once or twice have shown immense support and caring.  Old friends who booked a flight out the very next day of hearing the news, contributions of 8k to Thong's fund for his family, and continual emails of kind words, just goes to prove Thong's immense network of friends exist.  On the other hand, there are folks out there who'd seen Thong regularly but find it too "difficult" to pay respects or show more support than a cardboard sign that reads, "I am so swallowed in my own grief (or lack of grief) to know how I can possibly be of any help or support to anyone else."  I don't expect everyone to react the same way I did because not everyone had the same kind of relationship Thong and I had, but are you so socially inept to reach out a hand in support, a phone call to say you're thinking of us, an email or IM to ask how are we holding up?!  It's really during hard times that prove who you can trust and depend on.  Too bad it's taken a great friend's death to make me realize this.  What a pity.

Okay enough with all the anger and misplaced emotions...

During Mass, I was surprised and delighted to hear the Catholic priests laugh at my dedication during Thong's service.  That was extremely encouraging when I had to go last... and especially following Tuan.  I was trying to keep it together the whole ceremony but when Tuan broke down, that just crushed me.  I pulled it together enough to read my tribute (no way did I have the brain capacity to remember it) and as soon as I made it back to my pew I just fell apart.  Poor Cookie for having to hold me up and I must've drenched her clothes.  Cookie was my substitute wife for those few hours while Betty took care of all our out-of-town guests.  I just can't say enough about how strong and incredibly supportive Betty has been.  I know she's suffering too. 

The funeral procession to the burial site must have been 10 minutes long - 60 cars easy.  This was the biggest funeral I've ever been to and Thong was only 32 yrs old!  I can't imagine what it would've been like if he lived another 32 yrs - to have touched that many more souls....

We had just had lunch together the weekend before at Champps in Columbia Mall.  Just one week before Thong's car crash where we discussed how the weather needed to get better so we can have our Iron Chef battle for hamburger supreme!  We've been raggin' on each others' burgers for years.  When we next meet bro, nuthin' but ground beef baby! 

When we all used to travel, Me, Thong, Nam, Phu, Dien and a few others would get together before and after each trip to signify safe journeys.  We'd get a drink, eat some food, swap stories, and best of all share pictures of hot chicks.  I value those times more than anything right now. 

So now I'm pretty much operating on cruise control.  Eating, sleeping, shitting, but food is less tasteful, nights are restless, and my shit doesn't smell.  I don't want to work.  I don't want to take care of my real life responsibilities like paying bills and paying freaking taxes.  Don't get me wrong, I still play, feed, bathe, and put my kids to bed.  They are my soul and salvation through all this.  They get, whether they want it or not, all my unbridled emotions.  I love them more than life itself.  That kind of love keeps me going... and yet it always reminds me of Thong's parents.  How they lost their child to someone else's senselessness. 

Final thought...

Chances are we all took more from Thong than we gave him but hopefully he stayed friends with all of us because he found some value in us.  To all those people who just take, take, and take (or took, took, and took); let Thong's memory be a reminder to you that all he ever did was give and the best thing we can do is continue Thong's legacy of giving.  Maybe as a collective we can make a difference in the world because many of us can't (or won't) do it on our own.

...Goodbye Thong

 ...I won't forget you brother.  I plan to honor your memory the best way I can for the rest of my life.  How?  I haven't figured it out yet... but I'll add my thoughts in the next post.  For now I need to put up the Funeral Mass Program and my dedication from the funeral services.  

To the Nguyen family, Thong's parents, brother and sister, I am deeply sorry for your loss.  Thank you for allowing me to honor him by speaking today.  I hope I do him justice.

Thong was a very close and dear friend of mine.  My wife, Betty, and I have known him for almost half our lives.  This was a great loss to us. 

We all knew him as Tone, Thong, Happy (short for Happy Meal) but Cookie's mom called me and him the Buddha Brothers because she thought we had round bellies - obviously her glasses were on too tight that day she met us because Thong and I always sucked in our bellies when we met new people.  My oldest kid called him Uncle Thong because he’s always been there for me and my family.  He was there for us when my wife recently lost a very close relative.  He brought my kids presents every birthday and Christmas, and even little gems he's picked up on his trips around the world.  We relied on the cooking and grilling skills he picked up off of the Food Network.  Thong was many things to many people.  We all knew the witty comedic side of him but he was also an extremely generous person.  He was the buddy you wanted to eat with at restaurants because he would always put in more than his share.  He and I have been playing poker since our college days.  We still have a small amateur game every week.  When he comes over, he ALWAYS calls me up and asks, "want anything from Chik'fil'a?"  He was that kind of guy - thoughtful.  I was counting on many more waffle fries hand-delivered. 

A group of us buddies had a pretty geeky thing going on where each of us took on a comic book persona.  Mine's the Incredible Hulk, Nam's Batman, Phu had Spiderman, and Thong was Superman.  Thong probably took the comic book thing the furthest because he picked up a white gold Superman ring he was proud of but didn't flash around I guess because of the embarrassment of buying an expensive Superman ring, a Superman leather wallet, the Smallville Key to the Fortress of Solitude key chain; and a shiny Superman belt buckle.  Where does one person find all that stuff?  Oh yea Thong’s full-time job for a little while was eBay. 

Did you know at one point he wanted to write an educational book?  I think he wanted to call the book, "HOW TO DRESS A FAT MAN."  I distinctly remember him discussing a chapter with me.  It would’ve been called "Why fat men must wear belts."  There were 3 main reasons.  One: belts are fat men's girdles.  Two: belts maintain the integrity of the pants by reducing the amount of creases at the top of the pants.  You know, due to stomach rolls... Three: belt buckles distract people from your gut.  Very intuitive guy Thong was. 

Its things like that I'll miss the most - Thong's sense of humor.  It was all his own. 

Like many of you, I'll also remember him for his one-line quips and his short email responses.  Sometimes it was inappropriate but it was all-the-time funny.  He was notorious for remembering old jokes and dredging up dirt on you that you thought no one remembered.  He had a knack for embarrassing his friends whenever he could and he did it often. 

The only way we could get back at him was by poking fun at his sense of style.  He was always "Ahead of the Trend" as he called it - those black thick-rimmed glasses he wore before it got popular, well I'm not sure how popular it got but for awhile that was Thong's signature look.  For years we'd made fun of him by calling it his birth-control glasses.   And then he started to grow peach fuzz on his chin.  It was okay, until he grew it so long he would suck on it during meetings at work. 

Thong had just left his traveling job a few months ago so we're grateful we had the chance to spend more time with him.  Todd recently asked him what else he’d like to do.  His response was "I want to ride an ostrich."  If that was the last thing he wanted to do then he had pretty much done it all.  He saw the world many times over and was fulfilled by his experiences.  In return, he gave the world his spirit. 

You know last Sunday we got the second major snowfall of the year.  I sat in my grief wondering why a blanket of such white pureness would fall from the sky on such a sad day.  I realized that Thong must have found the hottest angel up there and made her laugh. 

As Phu put it, "My life is so much better for having known you."

We love you and miss you brother.  Peace.

...Funeral Services